Exorcism for Dummies

Long time “fans” of Bob Larson’s ministry have fond memories. Who could resist his afternoon commute radio show, with callers constantly challenging his credibility, only to get quickly cut off? Sometimes the prank calls were so fast and furious one could picture Larson in his studio as a man under siege. Who could forget his sycophantic followers, updating him on the various demons wrecking their lives? And who could ever forget those electrifying phone calls involving exorcisms? – right over the phone! Good times. Good times.

Larson’s ministry attracted detractors like no other, leading to an epic battle between him and his internet nemesis, Ken Smith.

And in his never ending hunt for money, Larson upped the ante, launching local conferences at various cities.

But as Larson’s unquenchable thirst for ever increasing amounts of money continued, he left an ever increasing trail of questionable behavior and tactics in his wake. As he reached his apex, interest started to subside and yours truly noticed something odd. Larson was exorcising the same people at multiple shows. Local media in various parts of the country started to notice too and soon, Larson was having to explain how he was really helping folks cast out their demons if they kept coming back again and again. Adding to the confusion was an interview with one man who proudly boasted he was exorcised multiple times. Despite his half hearted explanations, Larson flamed out and fell back into the netherworld of washed up Christian radio ministers.

But that wasn’t the end of Larson. In a world filled with gullible, emotionally vulnerable individuals, Larson still had plenty of fertile fields to plow. So when I discovered that Bob Larson was coming to Seattle again, I had to find out if his traveling show had changed at all.

It had been ten years since I had attended a conference. The last time I attended, halfway through the lecture, Larson was rudely interrupted by a man sitting just a few chairs to my left. As Larson announced grimly that there was a demon in the room, the man’s head arched upward, and he let out a macabre, guttural scream. A scream from Hell! Larson’s bodyguards were upon him fast. They dragged the man up to the stage, pandemonium reigned, and Larson was shouting the devil out of him. This was theater at its finest.

A local television network affiliate attended a different conference on an adjacent night and who was there screaming? Yup, it was the same guy from the previous night.

It’s been ten years since I witnessed that startling event. Larson’s back, this time appearing at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Bellevue.

It’s hard to remember the last time Larson was able to deliver his show in a genuine church. He blames this on the fear and cowardice of churches to stand up to the devil. But it’s more likely they’re uncomfortable with Larson’s own questionable relationship with methods and tactics of which the devil would heartily approve.
I told the folks attending with me that if Larson’s methods were the same as before, he’d spend the first hour or so bragging about his ministry, how he was under siege, and how he needed our help. Right after that would be the right time for a demon to appear. And after Larson would successfully smite the demon, money time!

We scoped the area and waited till just before the lecture to enter. Larson had the usual ten volunteers or so milling about. The room held a little less than a hundred folks. Larson came out, announced that Seattle’s commute would cause a few minutes delay, and approached the audience, shaking hands with everyone, making direct eye contact, and getting an overall feel for his targets that night.

Larson had aged, considerably, along with his attire. But once the doors closed and everyone was sitting, Larson was ready for us. Let the show begin!

Ten years ago, Larson’s first hour was considerably darker. He was a man under siege he’d tell the audience. The devil hated him. Enemies were everywhere. They wanted to destroy his ministry! And he was always just a few dollars short from having the devil shut him down.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom this time. Larson referred to his long career, his radio show, and then spent upwards of an hour bragging about how his ministry was breaking into the “secular media”. Bob was all aflutter regarding his meetings with executives from CBS, SyFy, ShowTime, Samsung Media, and a host of other groups.

Constructing this straw man of how he was going to use his ministry to covertly win the nation for Christ was pretty bland. But that’s the way he always starts. Larson recounted one incident where a camera crew asked him to pose in front of a statue depicting the Indian god Ganesh. Larson bragged to his audience that he of course refused because he regarded Ganesh as a demon. The audience nodded in agreement. Bob does a lot of international traveling. But it looks like he won’t be visiting India anytime soon.

The next part of his show, as usual, consisted of firing up the audience, getting them mad. Who better to attack than the current president, Barack Obama? Before he did any attacking though, Bob spent several minutes going on and on about how much respect he had for the president, and how his comments shouldn’t be construed as a political attack. He emphasized the nonpartisan nature of his attack twice more. It was as though he was expecting the IRS to batter down the doors any time and revoke his tax-exempt status.

Bob took a single quote from Obama, that the United States has never been and never should be construed as a Christian nation, and declared that the president “cursed our country”. No mention from Bob regarding the same declaration in the 1797 Treaty of Tripoli. Audible gasps and disgusted head shaking arose from the outraged crowd. Bob was starting to heat things up.

Bob of course took it a step further, accusing Obama of suffering from a “demon of illegitimacy” due to his unmarried mother and polygamous father. More heads nodded in agreement. A quiet chorus of “amen” arose once again.

At this point, I was getting exasperated. Over an hour had passed and there was still no demon possession. I knew from previous experience that this was the do or die moment. But then, opportunity struck. Bob decided to answer questions from the audience. As he shuffled about the room, you could see him sizing up each questioner, gazing into their eyes, asking them penetrating questions about their past.

As he was taking the last question from a young woman near me and I was gathering my things to leave, she gave Bob what he was looking for – she told him she had been demon possessed. But singing bible songs to herself would help keep the devil at bay. Bob perked up and after asking a few more questions went for the kill. “Did you ever get rid of the demon?” he inquired.


With hesitation, a grim smile, and a few tears she quietly confessed, “No.”

That was all Bob needed. Before long, she was up on stage and Bob was shouting the devil out of her, asking her what else had happened to her. After he broke her down emotionally, the poor woman let out a cavalcade of unspeakable abuse that she had suffered in the past.

Despite Bob’s shouting and demanding the demon reveal itself, I started realizing that Bob wasn’t getting what he really wanted – pure unadulterated anger. He kept telling the woman to “Get out of the way! Let me talk to it!”

Nothing fills the coffers like a bad ol’ demon gnashing its teeth and spewing rage upon Bob. But it wasn’t happening. The woman’s abusive past just caused her to whimper and tremble. Not good enough for Bob.

Out came the silver crucifix. As Bob’s assistants held the woman’s arms, Bob pressed his crucifix against her forehead, pushed his face just inches from hers and hissed, “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!”

It was pretty clear at this point that this woman wasn’t a plant. She was a pitiful, hapless, vulnerable individual that Bob spotted as his mark of the night. She looked at him, confused, unable to understand what he was looking for.

After some time, Bob identified the demon as a Jezebel demon. Oh those uppity women! Jezebel demons!

“LET HER GO!” “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” “YOU CAN’T HAVE HER!” “I BIND THESE SPIRITS AND CAST THEM OUT!” and so on and so forth. It was particularly amusing to see Bob “binding the spirits” as he would hold a bible over his mark’s head, and twirl furiously in a circular manner with a flourish. What a showman.

This went on for 45 minutes and honestly, it was getting a little tiring. But let’s be honest. Whatever one might think of Bob Larson, he’s an expert marketer and showman. He knows how to gauge the audience and he could tell just as well as I that this just wasn’t going well. He had to up the ante.

Bob commanded his assistants to let go of her arms. He took her hand, placed it on his throat and muttered in a leering, peculiarly suggestive way, “You’d love to kill me, wouldn’t you?” You could hear a pin drop in the room and I have to admit, I was pretty impressed with his acting abilities.

“You’d love to press that finger into my throat right now before my assistants could save me, wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you? WOULDN’T YOU!?” Bob barked more taunts at her but alas, the poor woman couldn’t summon up the rage he so cravenly desired.

What followed were a few more rounds of the above, separated by brief interludes where Bob would provide some scholarly commentary to the audience as to what was happening in this person’s body.

At the end, Bob cut his losses, pressed his crucifix once more against her forehead, and shouted the devil out of her. After some gentle caresses, Bob let her go and it was onto the final act, money time!

Bob ordered his assistants to hand out envelopes to everybody. “Make sure EVERYBODY has an envelope!” “If you have an envelope, don’t just pretend to put money in it!” “If you don’t have your credit cards, rush up to your hotel room right now and get them!” Nothing different here, it was the usual shake down tactics.

I had had enough and left.

The whole festivity reeked of a pathetic farce and I wasn’t sure who disgusted me and who I pitied. Perhaps it was a combination of both. After all these years, Bob’s still grasping for that one big win, that one television project, that one last play that’ll ensure that he won’t have to schlep his way into any more hotel conference rooms anymore.

And these folks who attended could have whistled up numerous investigative reports on Bob on the internet. It wasn’t just Ken Smith who was blowing the whistle. There were local television stations who peppered him with uncomfortable questions over the years. By ignoring these opportunities, by not investigating him, they denied themselves the opportunity for true self reflection. It’s easier to blame one’s problem on magic demons.

I’ve come to the inescapable conclusion that Bob doesn’t stage these exorcisms. He cultivates an environment where he has a hundred or so vulnerable individuals and then preys on the weakest of the bunch. He gives them what they’re looking for, a demonic scapegoat. And they give him what he’s looking for, money.

It’s a match made in Hell.